It all started out as a seemingly innocuous decision to take myself more seriously. I began the process by making the decision to create an office space for myself that felt beautiful, comfortable, practical and "real" - not just a spare room with a bunch of crap in it that made me feel stressed, overwhelmed and a little bit like a poser. Redecorating this space was an awesome process that I enjoyed very much - and it made me surprisingly more committed to stick with my decision to take myself seriously in every part of my life. That commitment started to manifest in ways I did not expect. I made it through the school year and had no distractions to keep me from facing the truth about my business: That it was not profitable. In the past, when met with realizations like this, I would fall into despair and feel like a failure. This time, I felt the opposite. I knew the problem and I knew I could fix it. The decision to stop focusing on manufacturing products arose quickly and triumphantly.
This was followed by the decision to pursue my e-book with 100% focus. I kept to a strict schedule (something I have to admit, I've almost never done as an entrepreneur) and there it was: The finished rough draft in less than a month (which is saying a lot, considering I started this book a year ago, and hardly touched it for most of that time). The feedback I'm getting about the book has been more than I could've hoped for and it feels like my business's new direction is right on target.
And then I received my paycheck for the hours I worked at summer school and a previous realization revisited me, this time, demanding immediate attention. And ten days later, I resigned from my job. And I know, without a doubt, that it was the right thing to do. In short, I had put myself in a position to earn far, far less than I deserve and to be undervalued by the "brass." (It is very easy to fall into this situation when you work in education - and I've found myself here no less than a dozen times.) While I didn't necessarily want to leave (I love my students), I absolutely could not make it another year on those wages. I also felt, very deeply, that I had learned what I came to learn and that now I deserved more.
I look back on some of the goals I set for this year (like this one) and though it doesn't feel like I made much progress, I realize now that I have. Things are changing right and left and my confidence is growing with each day. It's not easy - in fact, it's downright terrifying - but things are actually working. It's all moving and changing and growing and things are coming together.
This whole "take yourself seriously" thing and the radical self-acceptance...they work. They actually work! (And that's a major part of my e-book, coming out soon - so let me warn you now!)
So watch out, world! I'm taking no prisoners!