My Beloved Fox

Last week, I gained a new spirit guide – my darling little dog, Dashiel. He was already a guide for the 13 years we had together, but now that he is in spirit, I feel him influencing me in a whole new way.

This dog was the light of my life for so long. He was literally the sweetest dog you could ever hope to meet. And I don’t say that lightly because most dogs I’ve met I would describe as sweet. But many dogs are sweet and goofy, or sweet and pushy, or sweet and demanding. Dashiel was just sweet. The most unselfish dog I’ve ever known. I can honestly look back on these 13 years and say that all he cared about was being with me, pleasing me, making me happy. He was a true angel. (Not that I would define goodness as how much a being was devoted to me – I just mean that Dashiel was unselfish to the core and would have been for anyone he loved.)

The first 24 hours of being apart from him were the hardest. I didn’t think I would make it through and had many breakdowns. In some ways, he was truly a son to me, my precious baby boy. And to have to face his body after his spirit moved on, to have to give him back to the earth…it was a pain I didn’t think I could survive.

My mother helped me get back on track by insisting that I remember that this world is just an illusion. Our “separateness,” our temporary bodies, the transition of death…all an illusion. The only thing that’s real is spirit. And spirit has no limits. There’s no separation, no death, no body.

It brought me back to one of the many nightly chats I’ve had with Dashiel over the past few months, preparing us both for this time. I asked him to wait for me on the Rainbow Bridge, assured him I would be along soon (since time is also an illusion), but the thought pained me so much. I didn’t want him to wait for me. I didn’t want him to travel to the Summerland by himself (or even with the other beloved pets and family members who have passed, who I believed would accompany him). Something about it just felt wrong.

I started reminding myself that Spirit is limitless. I told him, “I’ll go with you. My soul will go with you and it can be there with you, just as you can be here with me after you’re gone.” I wasn’t sure that was an accurate promise to make him until a few days later, when I read in A Course in Miracles, “We go together.” I knew that was a sign from the Divine that yes, indeed, I could travel with him and stay with him, and he could still remain here with me, too.

So when my mother reminded me of this after I buried my precious boy, I tried to hold on to that truth. At first, it didn’t stick. I felt so alone and lost without him. But the next day, I received so many signs that he was, indeed, still with me, I could not deny his presence.

In these last few days since he transitioned, I have heard his “voice” very distinctly. Admittedly, that part of it could just be my own desperate need to hear him – but I don’t care. If it helps, then why not embrace it? And what I “hear” from him is that he wants me to be happy so badly. He said that if I want to honor his memory and respect the life that we had together, I have to be more diligent about my mental state – letting go of the painful memories of the past, being happy and staying present.

I started becoming obsessed with foxes as spirit guides when I adopted Dashiel – because he reminded me of a little fox. Now I understand that this affinity I’ve developed for foxes, the guidance that I receive from that totem has all been a part of this time with Dashiel – a preparation for when I would receive the most intense “fox” guide of all. I’m so grateful to my baby for continuing to walk this path with me, guiding and protecting me just as he did in life.